Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Discuss both views equally: add a complete paragraph explaining why accepting a bad situation can be sensible, rather than only referring to it in "when someone accept the unsatisfactory results".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The position is clear in statements such as "I strongly agree that people should be encouraged to give more trials for improvement", and two reasons are presented for this view. However, the opposing view is not properly discussed: phrases such as "when someone accept the unsatisfactory results" only reject acceptance rather than explaining why some people may choose it, so the response is only partially developed. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The response uses some relevant vocabulary, including "creative and innovative", "gaining more skills", and "shortage of finance", but its range is limited and several collocations and word forms are inaccurate. Repeated or unnatural expressions such as "give more trials", "buy the idea of bad situation", and "more better" reduce precision, although the main meaning is generally understandable. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The writer attempts some complex structures with "When" clauses and contrasts, but grammatical errors are frequent in both simple and complex sentences. Problems in "it good to buy", "a new ways", "someone accept", and "they will be more confidence" show limited control of verbs, articles, agreement, plurals, and word forms. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, and the progression from the introduction to two supporting reasons and a conclusion is signalled by "One important reason" and "Another benefit". Nevertheless, ideas within paragraphs are repetitive and some connections are unclear, particularly in "This is contradicting to when someone accept", which weakens the logical flow. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Some individuals trust that it good to buy the idea of bad situation
Some individuals trust that it is good to buy the idea of a bad situation
The clause needs the copula "is", and the singular countable noun "situation" requires an article.
trust
believe
"Believe" is the more precise verb for expressing an opinion, whereas "trust" usually refers to confidence in a person or thing.
buy the idea of bad situation
accept a bad situation
"Buy the idea of" does not collocate with an unpleasant circumstance; the standard expression is "accept a bad situation".
situation ,which includes being unsatisfied with the job or even lack of finance ,whereas
situation, which includes being unsatisfied with the job or even lack of finance, whereas
Do not leave spaces before commas; place one space after each comma.
lack of finance
lack of money
"Lack of money" is the natural expression for having insufficient financial resources in this context.
give more trials for the improvement of the circumstances
make further attempts to improve their circumstances
"Give trials" is not a natural collocation, and "make further attempts to improve their circumstances" expresses this idea idiomatically.
the circumstances .
the circumstances.
There should be no space before a full stop.
give more trials for improvement
make further attempts to improve their situation
"Make further attempts" is the appropriate collocation instead of "give more trials".
How this answer could score higher
- Discuss both views equally: add a complete paragraph explaining why accepting a bad situation can be sensible, rather than only referring to it in "when someone accept the unsatisfactory results".
- Replace repeated and unnatural wording such as "give more trials" with precise collocations such as "make further attempts" and support each reason with a specific example.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by checking agreement, articles, plurals, and adjective forms, especially corrections such as "someone accepts", "a new way", "more confident", and "improve their situations".
Other answers to this question
Write your own answer to this question
Is this your essay? Request removal. Essays are published without any name, email or account details.