Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (5.5); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Clarify and develop the position: replace the hesitant thesis "I do agree about improving..." with a direct opinion explaining that acceptance may be temporary, but improvement is preferable whenever realistic opportunities exist.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5.5 | The essay discusses both accepting an unsatisfactory situation and trying to improve it, and the position is generally identifiable in phrases such as "I do agree about improving" and "to accept the bad situation is better when one have limited options". However, the ideas are only partly developed, with limited discussion of financial difficulties and insufficient explanation of the wider consequences of each choice. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant topic vocabulary, including "job opportunities," "professional development training," "skills and knowledge," and "salary". However, frequent spelling, word-formation and collocation problems such as "employement," "beacuse," "enhace," and "increasement" reduce precision and make the vocabulary range seem limited. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts a useful range of structures, including concessive clauses in "whereas other people argue" and conditional reasoning in "if a kinder teacher shows progress". However, grammatical errors are frequent in agreement, articles, plurals and clause construction, as in "One of the reason" and "there are few kinder teacher including me has to work," although the overall meaning is usually understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5.5 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, and signposts such as "To begin with" and "From another perspective" make the two sides easy to follow. Nevertheless, progression is basic and the final paragraph largely repeats earlier points rather than providing a clear concluding synthesis, as shown by the repeated wording "accept the bad situation" and "try and improve their situation". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In today's society, some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation whereas other people argue it is better to try and improve such situations.
In today's society, some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, whereas other people argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
A comma should separate the two contrasting independent clauses joined by "whereas".
I do agree about improving and making the situation better but at the same time, is it possible to improve if one has a limited option of job offer.
I do agree about improving and making the situation better, but at the same time, is it possible to improve if one has limited options for job offers?
Use a comma before "but", pluralise "options", and use the correct preposition and plural form in "options for job offers".
limited option of job offer
limited job opportunities
The natural collocation is “job opportunities” or “job options”, not “option of job offer”.
To begin with accepting a bad situation especially the job can be better as some individuals might have lesser options for job opportunities.
To begin with, accepting a bad situation, especially a job, can be better, as some individuals might have fewer options for job opportunities.
Introductory and parenthetical phrases require commas, and a generic singular countable noun takes the indefinite article "a".
accepting a bad situation especially the job
accepting a bad situation, especially an unsatisfactory job
“The job” is too vague here; “an unsatisfactory job” expresses the specific situation in the prompt more precisely.
lesser options for job opportunities
fewer employment opportunities
“Lesser options” is an unnatural collocation, and “options for job opportunities” is redundant.
One of the reason for limited employement offer is beacuse of increasing population, especially country like Australia where people for different countries come for work.
One of the reasons for the limited employement offer is because of the increasing population, especially in a country like Australia, where people from different countries come for work.
"One of" must be followed by a plural noun, and the sentence also needs the articles and prepositions "the", "in", and "from".
limited employement offer
limited employment opportunities
“Employment opportunities” is the appropriate collocation for available jobs; “employment offer” does not express this meaning naturally.
How this answer could score higher
- Clarify and develop the position: replace the hesitant thesis "I do agree about improving..." with a direct opinion explaining that acceptance may be temporary, but improvement is preferable whenever realistic opportunities exist.
- Improve grammatical accuracy in basic sentence structures, especially agreement and noun phrases, by correcting patterns such as "One of the reason" and "there are few kinder teacher... has".
- Use more precise collocations and check spelling and word formation, replacing expressions such as "lesser options," "employement," and "increasement" with "fewer opportunities," "employment," and "increase."
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