Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Develop both sides fairly: explain a reasonable case for accepting some circumstances, then compare it with a specific example of taking action to improve a situation.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion in “I absolutely agree with the second argument.” However, the first view is mainly described as “a loss of hope,” and both sides need fuller explanation and specific support to develop the discussion. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay attempts a range of vocabulary, including “stagnant” and “flourish,” but collocation and word-form errors are frequent enough to make some phrasing unnatural. The repeated use of broad terms such as “situations,” “life,” and “improve” also limits precision. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There are attempts at complex sentences, for example “people who do not try to improve their lives never grow in their professional lives,” but grammatical errors occur frequently. Faults in sentence structure, agreement, and clause construction sometimes make the wording awkward, although the overall meaning remains understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The response has a clear paragraph structure, moving from an introduction through the two views to a conclusion, and uses signposts such as “Moreover” and “In conclusion.” However, repeated labels such as “first argument” and “second opinion” make progression mechanical, while several ideas repeat rather than build on one another. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Some individuals have a perspective that unfortunate situations such as a worst job or financial issues should be accepted as a part of life and could not be changed.
Some individuals believe that unfortunate situations, such as the worst job or financial issues, should be accepted as part of life and cannot be changed.
Use the definite article with a superlative such as “worst,” and use “cannot” for a present inability rather than shifting to the past-form modal “could not.”
such as a worst job or financial issues
such as a bad job or financial issues
“Worst” is a superlative and does not fit this general example; “bad” or “unsatisfactory” is the appropriate choice.
Whereas, others believe that we should work hard and keep trying to change and improve our lives.
Others, however, believe that we should work hard and keep trying to change and improve our lives.
“Whereas” introduces a dependent clause, so it cannot stand alone here; make this an independent clause, and do not place a comma immediately after “whereas.”
I will discuss both views but I absolutely agree with the second argument.
I will discuss both views, but I absolutely agree with the second argument.
Place a comma before “but” when it joins two independent clauses.
First argument is in a favor of loss of hope
The first argument is in favor of loss of hope
Use “the” before this identified argument, and use the fixed expression “in favor of,” without “a.”
loss of hope while second argument is focused more on striving and combating in order to improve the unfortunate situations.
loss of hope, while the second argument is focused more on striving and combating in order to improve the unfortunate situations.
Add a comma before “while” because it joins two independent clauses.
loss of hope while second argument is focused more on striving and combating in order to improve the unfortunate situations.
loss of hope while the second argument is focused more on striving and combating in order to improve the unfortunate situations.
Use the definite article before “second argument” because it refers to the identified argument in the discussion.
striving and combating in order to improve the unfortunate situations.
striving to overcome the unfortunate situations.
“Combat” normally needs a clear object and is an unnatural collocation here; “strive to overcome” expresses the intended idea naturally.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop both sides fairly: explain a reasonable case for accepting some circumstances, then compare it with a specific example of taking action to improve a situation.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by checking sentence boundaries, agreement, and clause construction; for example, replace “Whereas, others believe…” with “Others, however, believe…”.
- Use precise, natural collocations and check word forms, such as “a bad job,” “striving to improve,” and “lose confidence” instead of “a worst job,” “thriving for the best,” and “loose.”
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