Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (7); Coherence & Cohesion (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Improve grammatical accuracy in the opening paragraphs by correcting forms such as “its best,” “Me had to,” and “i dreamed,” and by rewriting run-on sentences into complete, controlled sentences.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear, balanced position in “neither of them is entirely right on its own,” followed by a practical condition for accepting or changing hardship. However, the first view receives a much fuller anecdotal development than the second, which is mainly supported by the single example of “a small-business owner” and would benefit from a clearer explanation of when acceptance is genuinely sensible. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay demonstrates a fairly wide and sometimes vivid vocabulary, including “grueling monotony,” “effortless precision,” “downward spiral,” and “mounting debts.” However, several awkward collocations and repetitive or imprecise expressions, including “endure this thing,” “end with enjoyment,” and “more and more bad,” reduce naturalness and precision. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The later paragraphs show a useful range of complex structures, particularly in “While enduring hardship builds crucial resilience and character, blindly staying in a toxic environment without a plan leads to stagnation.” However, frequent errors in the opening sections, including “its best,” “Me had to,” and “i dreamed,” together with run-on structures, prevent consistently accurate performance. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The ideas are arranged in a clear sequence using “View 1,” “View 2,” and “My opinion,” and the final paragraph logically balances the two positions. Nevertheless, the opening sentences such as “If you ask about why you think its best” are difficult to follow, and the labelled structure feels mechanical rather than forming a smooth academic progression. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
its best
it's best
"It's" is the contraction of "it is", whereas "its" is a possessive determiner.
endure this thing
endure this hardship
"Thing" is too vague here; use a precise noun such as "hardship" to describe an unsatisfactory situation.
"bad situation will end with enjoyment if you endure them enough"
"a bad situation will end with enjoyment if you endure it enough"
A singular countable noun needs the article "a", and the singular pronoun "it" must agree with "situation".
bad situation will end with enjoyment if you endure them enough
bad situation will lead to satisfaction if you endure them enough
"End with enjoyment" is not a natural collocation for overcoming difficulties; "lead to satisfaction" is more precise.
For three years, Me
For three years, I
The first-person pronoun must be written as capital "I", not "Me".
while i dreamed
while I dreamed
The first-person pronoun is always written with a capital letter.
while i dreamed of making something beautiful
while I dreamed of making something beautiful
The pronoun "I" must always be capitalised.
When i asked my master when he could finally shape a vase
When I asked my master when he could finally shape a vase
The pronoun "I" must always be capitalised.
How this answer could score higher
- Improve grammatical accuracy in the opening paragraphs by correcting forms such as “its best,” “Me had to,” and “i dreamed,” and by rewriting run-on sentences into complete, controlled sentences.
- Develop the second viewpoint as fully as the pottery example by adding a clear reason and explaining how active change can prevent worsening financial or personal consequences.
- Replace conversational and unnatural phrasing such as “this thing,” “end with enjoyment,” and “more and more bad” with precise academic collocations such as “difficult circumstances,” “produce positive results,” and “deteriorate further.”
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