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Band 4.5 · 331 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 4.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (5); Coherence & Cohesion (4) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Structure your essay into 4 distinct paragraphs: Introduction, two Body Paragraphs, and a Conclusion.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response5The essay touches upon both perspectives and presents a personal opinion in the closing lines, satisfying the main prompt requirements in a minimal way. However, the arguments rely heavily on anecdotal generalization and informal examples rather than fully developed academic points.
Lexical Resource5The vocabulary relies heavily on informal spoken slang and colloquialisms unsuitable for an academic essay. There are also several spelling errors and imprecise word choices that detract from the formal style.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4Punctuation and clause boundary errors predominate throughout the text, leading to pervasive comma splices and run-on sentences. Basic accuracy issues with capitalisation, missing apostrophes, and subject-verb agreement are frequent.
Coherence & Cohesion4The response is written entirely as a single uninterrupted block of text, failing to use standard paragraphing to organize distinct ideas. Cohesion relies on stream-of-consciousness linking, resulting in multiple severe run-on sentences and comma splices.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

First, the view on accepting bad situations like jobs or financial issue, im sure most people or majority will still accept even if they dont like it, because the reason would be theit circumstances like your own financial situation or having to support the people who are close to you, which in most case would be a family member who's sick or cannot work. Obviously they cant just leave their close kin and have to work to get money. Another reason in my opinion would be their personality, there are people out there who is shy, weak willed, or somewhat of a coward even, these type of people will just suck it up most of the time and accept the situation, maybe because it was mold from their childhood or just innate character that have this type. But there are also the type who wouldn't just take it and try or improve most of the time, they would just quit the job if they dont like it and find some other way to make money, most of these type are usually the hot headed one or just don't give a crap about it. We can use alot of Gen Z for example the new generation quit at the slightest dissatisfaction from their employer/boss. While both sides have pro and con like the accepting the terrible situation would still allow you to keep the job though the con will likely be mental stress severe one could lead to depression and suicidal thoughts, now the pro for improve is that the mental burden is lesser than those who just accept it but the downside may be getting another job or end up in a situation where your financial problem worsen. Personally I would try to accept it first since my financial situation is what weighing me down however that will only be for a while, if it becomes unbearable then I would just quit and find better path hopefully getting a better career.

Corrections from the marking

  • financial issue, im sure

    financial issues, I am sure

    The personal pronoun 'I' must be capitalized, 'I'm' requires an apostrophe, and 'issues' must be plural to agree with 'situations'.

  • im sure most people or majority will still accept

    I am sure the majority of people will still accept

    Combining 'most people' and 'majority' is redundant; 'the majority of people' is a clearer, more academic choice.

  • most people or majority

    most people or the majority

    The noun 'majority' requires the definite article 'the'.

  • if they dont like it, because

    if they don't like it, because

    Contractions require an apostrophe to indicate omitted letters.

  • because the reason would be theit circumstances

    because the reason would be their circumstances

    'Theit' is a spelling mistake for the possessive pronoun 'their'.

  • like your own financial situation

    like their own financial situation

    The possessive pronoun 'your' incorrectly shifts from the third-person plural 'they' to the second person.

  • in most case would be

    in most cases would be

    The determiner 'most' requires the plural noun form 'cases'.

  • Obviously they cant just leave

    Obviously, they can't just leave

    An introductory adverb requires a following comma, and 'can't' requires an apostrophe.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Structure your essay into 4 distinct paragraphs: Introduction, two Body Paragraphs, and a Conclusion.
  2. Eliminate spoken slang and informal phrases (e.g., replace 'suck it up' and 'don't give a crap' with formal academic alternatives like 'tolerate adverse conditions' and 'remain unconcerned').
  3. Fix sentence boundary errors by using full stops instead of commas to split long run-on sentences into complete independent clauses.

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