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Band 7.5 · 342 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 7.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (8); Coherence & Cohesion (7) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Vary transition signals to avoid mechanical repetition: Replace repeated phrases like 'In the long run' (used in both body paragraphs) with 'Ultimately' or 'Over time', and upgrade 'On the one hand / On the other hand' to thematic transitions.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response7.5The essay presents a clear and consistent position throughout, addressing the prompt by evaluating both the benefits and drawbacks of imprisonment. Ideas are well developed with specific details, though the argument focuses primarily on rehabilitation and mental health rather than fully exploring prison's role as a punitive measure or deterrent.
Lexical Resource7.5The response demonstrates a flexible command of vocabulary with natural collocations and accurate word forms throughout. A few informal or cliché openings and minor phrase repetitions keep it from reaching the higher band descriptors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8The essay demonstrates a wide range of complex grammatical structures executed with a very high degree of accuracy and control. Grammatical errors are absent, though there is a noticeable over-reliance on a single modal auxiliary.
Coherence & Cohesion7The essay is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear central topics and smooth internal progression. However, cohesion relies slightly on formulaic signposts and contains exact repetition of transition phrases.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

### Prison as a Form of Punishment In this day and age, the issue of how criminals should be punished has become increasingly debated in many parts of the world. While some people argue that prison is an effective form of punishment, I partly agree with this opinion because imprisonment can benefit criminals, although it may also have negative effects on their mental health. On the one hand, imprisonment can benefit criminals' future development. This is because various educational courses are offered in prison to teach offenders how to become responsible members of society. Through these courses, they can gain a deeper understanding of their past behaviour, which may encourage them to become better versions of themselves. Moreover, vocational training can help them develop practical skills, such as cooking or gardening, which may improve their employment opportunities after release. As a result, former prisoners may find it easier to reintegrate into society and become law-abiding citizens. In the long run, this may help reduce the crime rate. On the other hand, imprisonment may have negative effects on criminals' mental health. Being confined to prison and deprived of their freedom may cause offenders to feel lonely and frustrated. Furthermore, some former prisoners may face social discrimination after their release, making it difficult for them to rebuild their lives. For example, an offender who has served a prison sentence may lose confidence in the future, particularly if they struggle to find a job. In the long run, these difficulties may contribute to mental health problems. Consequently, even if former prisoners understand the importance of being responsible members of society, they may still find it difficult to reintegrate into their communities. In conclusion, I partly agree that imprisonment is an effective form of punishment because it can help criminals understand the consequences of their actions and develop useful skills. However, it may also negatively affect their mental health and make their reintegration into society more difficult. Therefore, governments should combine imprisonment with rehabilitation programmes and provide appropriate support to help former prisoners rebuild their lives.

Corrections from the marking

  • In this day and age, the issue of how criminals should be punished has become increasingly debated in many parts of the world.

    In contemporary society, the issue of how criminals should be punished has become increasingly debated in many parts of the world.

    'In this day and age' is an overused cliché that lacks the formal tone required for academic writing.

  • For example, an offender who has served a prison sentence may lose confidence in the future, particularly if they struggle to find a job.

    For example, an offender who has served a prison sentence may lose hope for the future, particularly if they struggle to find a job.

    We express confidence in oneself or about an ability, whereas 'hope for the future' or 'optimism about the future' is the idiomatic phrasing for a person's outlook.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Vary transition signals to avoid mechanical repetition: Replace repeated phrases like 'In the long run' (used in both body paragraphs) with 'Ultimately' or 'Over time', and upgrade 'On the one hand / On the other hand' to thematic transitions.
  2. Diversify hedging vocabulary: Reduce the heavy reliance on the modal 'may' (12 occurrences) by using alternatives like 'is prone to', 'tends to', or 'is likely to'.
  3. Refine vocabulary choices: Replace the informal cliché 'In this day and age' with 'In contemporary society', and vary repeated terms like 'former prisoners' with 'ex-offenders'.

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