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Band 6 · 388 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Refocus Task Response: Address all facets of 'effective punishment' (such as public safety and deterrence), and ensure the conclusion strictly summarizes body arguments rather than introducing new policies like electronic monitoring.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The essay takes a clear stance by partly agreeing with the prompt, but it frames 'effective punishment' almost entirely around prisoner rehabilitation and mental health rather than fully addressing punishment or deterrence. Additionally, the conclusion introduces entirely new, undeveloped topics such as electronic monitoring and school curricula.
Lexical Resource6The vocabulary range is adequate for the task, with some appropriate topic-specific words used. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, precision, and collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6The candidate demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, prepositions, articles, and capitalization cap the score.
Coherence & Cohesion6The essay is logically structured into clear paragraphs, each with an identifiable main theme. However, it relies on formulaic transition markers and occasionally includes awkward sentence-to-sentence linking.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

In this day and age, the form of punishment for criminals has become an increasingly debated topic in many parts of the world. while some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree with this opinion because it can not only bring benefits to criminals, but also make a negative impact on criminals’ health. On the one hand, punishing offenders with imprisonment is essential for their development in the future. This is because there are plenty of relevant courses in prison which will be introduced to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society. They can gain a deeper understanding of their behaviors in the past, which encourage them to become better versions of themselves. For example, an offender can learn the consequences of his crime by attending lessons. Moreover, some professional courses will also be introduced also to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting, which can help them find jobs. As a result, the criminals who have finished their sentences can influence other people. In addition, the crime rate may show a decrease. On the other hand, one major reason why prison is not an ideal solution for criminals is that it can make them suffer from mental health problem. It means that the offenders are imprisoned in a specific place so they are deprived from freedom, which could make them feel lonely and distressed. Furthermore, criminals could regard themselves as special people among others, which enable them to be negative about their lives. For instance, an offender who serves his sentence and follow the instructors of prison guards in the prison could lose his enthusiasm about the future. In the long run, he can suffer from mental illness, which can weaken his health. Consequently, even though criminals understand the importance of being responsible people, they may suffer from mental problems and cannot live in society. In conclusion, it is clear that prison can not only help criminals understand their errors but also cause them to suffer from mental health issues. It is recommended that government should introduce relevant regulations to protect society and implement new policies to punish these offenders such as electronic monitoring, while schools are also responsible for students’ behaviors by improving their critical thinking skills.

Corrections from the marking

  • in many parts of the world. while some people argue

    in many parts of the world. While some people argue

    A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.

  • an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree

    an effective way to punish offenders, I partly agree

    The definite article 'the' should be omitted when speaking about offenders in general.

  • I partly agree with this opinion because it can not only bring benefits to criminals, but also make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    I partly agree with this opinion because it can not only bring benefits to criminals, but also have a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    The standard academic collocation is 'have an impact on' rather than 'make an impact on'.

  • This is because there are plenty of relevant courses in prison which will be introduced to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society.

    This is because there are numerous relevant courses in prison which will be offered to inmates in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society.

    'Plenty of' is overly informal for academic writing, and educational programs in correctional facilities are 'offered' or 'provided' rather than 'introduced'.

  • plenty of relevant courses in prison which will be introduced to criminals in order

    plenty of relevant courses in prison which are offered to criminals in order

    Use the simple present tense rather than the future tense when stating general truths or current institutional practices.

  • understanding of their behaviors in the past, which encourage them to become

    understanding of their behaviors in the past, which encourages them to become

    The relative pronoun 'which' refers to the singular action of gaining deeper understanding, so the verb must be singular ('encourages').

  • Moreover, some professional courses will also be introduced also to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting, which can help them find jobs.

    Moreover, some vocational courses will also be provided to motivate them to develop skills such as cooking or horticulture, which can help them find jobs.

    Practical trade skills like cooking or farming are taught through 'vocational' courses rather than 'professional' ones, and 'horticulture' is more precise than 'planting'.

  • Moreover, some professional courses will also be introduced also to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting, which can help them find jobs.

    Moreover, some vocational courses will also be provided to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting, which can help them find jobs.

    Repeating 'also' twice in the same clause ('will also be introduced also') creates awkward redundancy that harms cohesion.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Refocus Task Response: Address all facets of 'effective punishment' (such as public safety and deterrence), and ensure the conclusion strictly summarizes body arguments rather than introducing new policies like electronic monitoring.
  2. Eliminate Grammatical Errors: Proofread carefully for subject-verb agreement with relative clauses ('which encourages', 'which enables') and preposition usage ('deprived of freedom').
  3. Refine Collocations and Precision: Swap imprecise phrases like 'make a negative impact' and 'planting' for natural academic English such as 'have a detrimental impact' and 'horticultural skills'.

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