Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Eliminate recurring spelling and word-choice errors by reviewing key vocabulary before writing (e.g., 'deprived of freedom' instead of 'derived from freedom', and spelling 'responsible' and 'governments' correctly).
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive rehabilitative aspects of prison and its negative impacts on inmates. However, the response focuses predominantly on the personal impact on criminals rather than evaluating the broader effectiveness of prison as a societal punishment. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The candidate attempts to use topic-related vocabulary, but errors in word choice, collocations, and spelling occur frequently throughout the essay. These mistakes occasionally disrupt the natural flow of reading. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent. Mistakes in passive forms, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions recur throughout the text. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The overall essay structure follows a logical four-paragraph layout with clear main ideas for each paragraph. Cohesive devices are used regularly, though some transitions feel repetitive or mechanically inserted. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree
While some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish offenders, I partly agree
Use 'While' or 'Although' instead of 'When' to introduce a clause that contrasts two opposing viewpoints.
When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders
While some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish offenders
'Prople' is a spelling mistake for 'people', and 'When' should be replaced by 'While' or 'Although' to properly introduce a concession clause.
because it can bring benefits to criminals but also make a negative impact on criminals’ health.
because it can not only bring benefits to criminals, but also have a negative impact on criminals’ health.
The correlative conjunction 'but also' requires 'not only' in the preceding clause to complete the paired structure.
make a negative impact on criminals’ health.
have a negative impact on criminals’ health.
The standard academic collocation with 'impact' in this context is 'have an impact', rather than 'make an impact'.
punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future.
punishing offenders with imprisonment is essential for their development in the future.
The noun 'development' is uncountable when referring to personal growth or progress and should remain singular.
essential for their developments in the future.
essential for their development in the future.
'Development' is an uncountable noun when referring to personal growth or self-improvement.
plenty of relatives courses in prison
plenty of relevant courses in prison
'Relatives' is incorrect; the context requires 'relevant' or 'rehabilitative' to describe educational programs offered to inmates.
which will be introduce to criminals in order to teach them
which will be introduced to criminals in order to teach them
Passive voice constructions require the past participle form 'introduced' following 'will be'.
How this answer could score higher
- Eliminate recurring spelling and word-choice errors by reviewing key vocabulary before writing (e.g., 'deprived of freedom' instead of 'derived from freedom', and spelling 'responsible' and 'governments' correctly).
- Ensure complete grammatical accuracy in basic verb forms and agreements, particularly passive voice ('will be introduced') and third-person singular verbs ('an offender who serves').
- Maintain strict relevance to the prompt in the conclusion by summarizing existing points rather than introducing new concepts like school curricula or digital monitoring.
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