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Band 5.5 · 389 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Eliminate recurring spelling and word-choice errors by reviewing key vocabulary before writing (e.g., 'deprived of freedom' instead of 'derived from freedom', and spelling 'responsible' and 'governments' correctly).

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive rehabilitative aspects of prison and its negative impacts on inmates. However, the response focuses predominantly on the personal impact on criminals rather than evaluating the broader effectiveness of prison as a societal punishment.
Lexical Resource5The candidate attempts to use topic-related vocabulary, but errors in word choice, collocations, and spelling occur frequently throughout the essay. These mistakes occasionally disrupt the natural flow of reading.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent. Mistakes in passive forms, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions recur throughout the text.
Coherence & Cohesion6The overall essay structure follows a logical four-paragraph layout with clear main ideas for each paragraph. Cohesive devices are used regularly, though some transitions feel repetitive or mechanically inserted.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

In this day and age, the form of punishment for criminals has become an increasingly debated topic in many parts of the world. When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree with this opinion because it can bring benefits to criminals but also make a negative impact on criminals’ health. On the one hand, punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future. This is because there are plenty of relatives courses in prison which will be introduce to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society. They can have a deeper understanding for their behaviors in the past, which encourage them to become better versions of themselves. For example, an offender can learn the consequences of his crime by having some lessons. Moreover, some professional courses will be introduced also to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting which can help them find jobs. As a result, The criminals that have finished their processes of punishment can influence other people. In addition, the population of crimes may show a decrease. On the other hand, one major reason why prison is not an ideal solution for criminals is that it can make them suffer mental problem. It means that the offenders are imprisoned in a specific place so they are derived from freedom which could make them feel lonely and unpleasant. Furthermore, the criminals could regarded themselves as special people among others which enable them to be negative for their lives. For instance, an offender who serve his sentence and follow the instructors of police in the prison could lose his enthoutisasm about the future. In the long run, he can suffer from mental disease which can weaken his health. Consequently, even though the crimials understand the importance of being a responsiable person, they may suffer mental problem and could not live in the society. In conclusion, it is clear that prison can not only help criminals understand their errors but also make them suffer from mental health. It is recommended that gouvernments should introduce relative regulations to protect society and implement new policies to punish these offenders such as digital controlling, while schools are also responsiable for students’ behaviors by improving their critical thinking skills.

Corrections from the marking

  • When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree

    While some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish offenders, I partly agree

    Use 'While' or 'Although' instead of 'When' to introduce a clause that contrasts two opposing viewpoints.

  • When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders

    While some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish offenders

    'Prople' is a spelling mistake for 'people', and 'When' should be replaced by 'While' or 'Although' to properly introduce a concession clause.

  • because it can bring benefits to criminals but also make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    because it can not only bring benefits to criminals, but also have a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    The correlative conjunction 'but also' requires 'not only' in the preceding clause to complete the paired structure.

  • make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    have a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    The standard academic collocation with 'impact' in this context is 'have an impact', rather than 'make an impact'.

  • punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future.

    punishing offenders with imprisonment is essential for their development in the future.

    The noun 'development' is uncountable when referring to personal growth or progress and should remain singular.

  • essential for their developments in the future.

    essential for their development in the future.

    'Development' is an uncountable noun when referring to personal growth or self-improvement.

  • plenty of relatives courses in prison

    plenty of relevant courses in prison

    'Relatives' is incorrect; the context requires 'relevant' or 'rehabilitative' to describe educational programs offered to inmates.

  • which will be introduce to criminals in order to teach them

    which will be introduced to criminals in order to teach them

    Passive voice constructions require the past participle form 'introduced' following 'will be'.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Eliminate recurring spelling and word-choice errors by reviewing key vocabulary before writing (e.g., 'deprived of freedom' instead of 'derived from freedom', and spelling 'responsible' and 'governments' correctly).
  2. Ensure complete grammatical accuracy in basic verb forms and agreements, particularly passive voice ('will be introduced') and third-person singular verbs ('an offender who serves').
  3. Maintain strict relevance to the prompt in the conclusion by summarizing existing points rather than introducing new concepts like school curricula or digital monitoring.

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