It was predicted that in the 21st century people will have more leisure time than never before because of the improvements of technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Make the extent of agreement explicit and consistent: revise “I partly agree ... because of the negative effects” to explain that technology saves time through automation but may also create a need for retraining.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay addresses both the time-saving benefits of technology and the pressure it may create to keep learning, but the position is not consistently clear: the introduction says “I partly agree” while linking that view to “the negative effects brought by technology.” The examples are relevant but briefly explained, and the final recommendation about government policies and company lessons does not resolve how far you agree with the prediction. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some topic-appropriate vocabulary, including “administrative positions,” “efficiency” and “leisure time,” but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural. These recurring expressions reduce precision, although the main ideas remain generally understandable. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts a range of sentence forms, including the contrast structure “While some people argue ..., others believe ...” and clauses introduced by “because” and “when.” However, frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms and sentence construction—such as “a person who work” and “when a person give”—show that grammatical control is inconsistent. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” make the overall structure easy to follow. However, ideas within paragraphs are sometimes repeated rather than extended, as in the repeated references to learning skills and protecting jobs, and the conclusion shifts to recommendations instead of bringing the comparison to a clear close. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
more leisure time than never before
more leisure time than ever before
The established comparative expression is “more than ever before”; “never before” does not fit after “than.”
in the 21st century in this background
in the 21st century
“In this background” is not an idiomatic way to introduce a context; omit it or use “in this context.”
because of the improvements of technology
because of advances in technology
“Advances in technology” is the natural collocation for technological progress.
On the one hand, the development of technology may pose a threat on people’s career making them spend time on learning new skills.
On the one hand, the development of technology may pose a threat to people’s careers, making them spend time on learning new skills.
Use “a threat to,” not “a threat on”; the plural possessive “people’s” requires the plural count noun “careers,” and the result clause needs a comma.
This is because the technology could develop plenty of robots which could process information and reply basic enquirers.
This is because technology could develop plenty of robots which could process information and reply to basic enquirers.
Use no definite article for technology in this general sense, and the verb “reply” requires the preposition “to” before its object.
could develop plenty of robots
could produce many robots
“Produce robots” is a more precise and natural choice here than “develop robots.”
reply basic enquirers
answer basic enquiries
“Enquirers” means people who ask questions, whereas the intended meaning is questions or enquiries that robots can answer.
custom-service positions
customer-service positions
The established compound is “customer service”; “custom service” has a different meaning.
How this answer could score higher
- Make the extent of agreement explicit and consistent: revise “I partly agree ... because of the negative effects” to explain that technology saves time through automation but may also create a need for retraining.
- Develop both sides with a clear cause-and-effect explanation, showing how time saved on household tasks compares with time spent learning new work skills; use the conclusion to answer which effect is more significant.
- Proofread recurring language errors: use accurate forms such as “a person who works,” “when a person gives,” “more leisure time than ever before” and “a threat to people’s careers.”
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