Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Develop each body paragraph with one specific explanation and example, especially the claim that "children develop communication and teamwork skills", and finish with a clear conclusion comparing computers with schools.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay presents a clear partial disagreement in "I partly disagree with this view" and addresses both technology and school-based education. However, the ideas are only partly developed, the comparison of their relative importance is limited, and the response ends without a clear concluding paragraph. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate its main points, including "online classes", "educational videos" and "group projects". However, frequent spelling errors, repetition of basic words such as "student", "teacher" and "subject", and imprecise expressions limit the range and precision of vocabulary. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The writer attempts some complex structures, including the concessive sentence beginning "although digital resourses provide easy access to information" and relative clauses such as "which they are week in particular suject". Nevertheless, frequent errors in articles, agreement, possessives, verb forms, punctuation and sentence construction occur throughout, although the main meaning is usually understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The essay has a generally recognisable progression from the benefits of technology to the advantages of teachers and schools, with separate paragraphs for the main points. However, the final paragraph repeats earlier content, connections between ideas are sometimes unclear, and the absence of a formal conclusion weakens the overall progression. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Nowadays, computer and the internet play an important role in education.
Nowadays, computers and the internet play an important role in education.
The plural countable noun "computers" is needed when referring to computers generally.
education.some
education. Some
A new sentence must begin after the full stop, with a space and a capital letter.
however, I partly disagree
However, I partly disagree
The first word of a new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
digital resourses
digital resources
"Resourses" is a spelling error; the correct spelling is "resources".
There are some advantages of computer and internet like children can access information quickly of any topic that are given by there teachers or by given from anyone and they can watch educational videos and attend online classes to improve their skills.
There are some advantages of computers and the internet, such as the fact that children can access information quickly on any topic that is given by their teachers or by anyone, and they can watch educational videos and attend online classes to improve their skills.
The sentence requires plural and article forms, appropriate prepositions, a grammatical example clause, and a singular verb agreeing with "topic".
there teachers
their teachers
"Their" shows possession, whereas "there" refers to a place.
undersatnd
understand
"Undersatnd" is a spelling error; the correct spelling is "understand".
topics like science,mathamatics and hard subjects which they are week in particular suject.
topics like science,mathamatics and hard subjects in which they are week in a particular suject.
The preposition must come before the relative pronoun, and the singular countable noun requires a determiner.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each body paragraph with one specific explanation and example, especially the claim that "children develop communication and teamwork skills", and finish with a clear conclusion comparing computers with schools.
- Improve sentence accuracy by checking agreement, articles, possessives and complete clause construction; for example, replace "Teacher teach the student" with "Teachers teach students" and avoid long run-on sentences.
- Build a more precise academic vocabulary range by correcting forms such as "resourses" and "mathamatics" and replacing vague phrases such as "hard subjects" with "complex academic topics".
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