Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Improve grammatical accuracy, especially articles, plurals, agreement, and comparatives: replace recurring forms such as "a children", "schools levels up", and "much more easier" with "children", "schools adjust", and "much easier".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses the question directly and maintains a clear disagreement, stated in "I strongly disagree with this belief" and repeated in the conclusion. However, the two main arguments are only partly developed, and claims such as "computers and internet are the biggest source for information for adults and not the children" and information being "discarded by the brain" are overly broad and insufficiently supported. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant and less common vocabulary, including "immersive", "comprehend", and "social activities", but frequent collocation, word-form, spelling, and precision problems limit flexibility. Phrases such as "education gotten", "a children", and "biggest source for information" sound unnatural, and "cirriculum" is misspelled. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The response attempts a mixture of simple and complex structures, including the relative clause in "information that is way more complex" and the conditional-style clause beginning "whether this information can be comprehended". However, frequent errors in articles, plurals, agreement, prepositions, comparatives, and sentence construction occur throughout, as in "a children", "schools levels up", and "much more easier", although the overall meaning remains understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with one paragraph on age-appropriate information and another on engagement and social interaction. Cohesion is generally effective through phrases such as "This is because", "On the other hand", and "In conclusion", but some connections are mechanical or unclear, as in "Hence, schools levels up" and the repeated use of "computers and internet". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
A certain group of people believe that technology (computers) and internet are more significant for children education rather than going to school.
A certain group of people believes that technology (computers) and the internet are more significant for children's education than going to school.
The singular subject "group" requires "believes"; "the internet" needs an article, and the correct possessive form is "children's education".
I strongly disagree with this belief as it makes the education for children more complex and children are less engaged while taking education from computers and internet.
I strongly disagree with this belief as it makes education for children more complex and children are less engaged while taking education from computers and the internet.
The general uncountable noun "education" does not need "the", while "internet" requires the definite article.
children are less engaged while taking education from computers and internet
children are less engaged while studying through computers and internet
"Take education" is not the natural collocation; use "study" or "receive an education" instead.
Computers and internet are the biggest source for information for adults and not the children.
Computers and the internet are the biggest sources for information for adults and not children.
The compound plural subject requires the plural noun "sources"; "the internet" needs an article, and general plural "children" does not require "the".
This is because, internet is swarmed with information that is way more complex for a child's brain to comprehend.
This is because the internet is swarmed with information that is way more complex for a child's brain to comprehend.
Do not place a comma between the subordinating conjunction "because" and its clause, and use "the internet".
internet is swarmed with information
internet is flooded with information
"Swarmed" is normally used for people or insects, whereas information is naturally described as being "flooded" or "overloaded".
way more complex
far more complex
"Way more" is informal; "far more" is the appropriate formal academic expression.
Researches show that the ability of a brain to comprehend facts is weak in the start and it develops with time.
Researches show that the ability of a brain to comprehend facts is weak at the start and it develops with time.
The fixed preposition used with this expression is "at the start", not "in the start".
How this answer could score higher
- Improve grammatical accuracy, especially articles, plurals, agreement, and comparatives: replace recurring forms such as "a children", "schools levels up", and "much more easier" with "children", "schools adjust", and "much easier".
- Use more precise and natural academic collocations: replace "education gotten from computers and internet" and "biggest source for information" with "online education" and "a major source of information".
- Develop each argument with a specific mechanism and qualified example instead of broad claims such as "discarded by the brain"; explain how teacher guidance, age-appropriate selection, and classroom interaction make school-based learning more effective.
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