Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Develop the comparison between the two options: explain specifically why schools are more important than online resources, rather than concluding only that "schools are vital."
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay addresses both computers and schooling and gives a clear position in statements such as "they can not replase schools" and "I strongly disagree this opinion." However, the ideas are only partly developed: the discussion of technology focuses mainly on distraction, while the comparison of which option is more important is not explained in sufficient depth. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant vocabulary, including "pivotal," "difficulties," "peers," and "achieve their goals," but the range is limited and several spelling and word-choice errors are frequent. Errors such as "revearse," "benifits," "wideogames," "freands," and "replase" reduce precision and make the writing look insufficiently controlled. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There is an attempt to use complex structures, including "If children face difficulties while studying" and "In spite of many benifits," but grammatical errors occur very frequently across basic and complex sentences. Problems with articles, agreement, verb forms, sentence boundaries, and prepositions sometimes make the relationships between ideas unclear. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, moving from technology to schools and then to a conclusion, as shown by "On the one hand" and "When it comes to going to schools." However, several ideas are joined in run-on sentences and some linking is mechanical or unclear, which weakens the progression. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Some people believe that, computers and internet are more pivotal for children's education then going to school but other people have revearse opinions.
Some people believe that computers and the internet are more pivotal for children's education then going to school, but other people have revearse opinions.
Do not place a comma after "that"; use the article "the" with "internet" and insert a comma before the coordinating conjunction "but".
Computers and internet might be useful for children, on the one hand, they can use them for education, as well as with the help of AI or social medias, they can learn much information.
Computers and the internet might be useful for children. On the one hand, they can use them for education, and, with the help of AI or social medias, they can learn much information.
Use "the internet" and separate the independent clauses instead of joining them with commas; the second clause also needs a grammatical coordinator.
If children face difficulties while studying they can find exta lessons or information and it might leads to improve their education.
If children face difficulties while studying, they can find exta lessons or information, and this might lead to improving their education.
Use commas after the introductory conditional clause and before the coordinated clause, use the base form "lead" after the modal "might", and use a gerund after "lead to".
In spite of many benifits it might effect negatively to children at the same time.
In spite of many benifits, it might effect negatively to children at the same time.
A comma is required after the introductory prepositional phrase.
For example most children accustomed to play any kind of wideogames or social medies.
For example, most children are accustomed to playing any kind of wideogames or social medies.
Use a comma after "For example", add the missing verb "are", and use a gerund after the expression "be accustomed to".
As a result instead of studying they might focuse on video games or social medias like instagram tik tok or so ons.
As a result, instead of studying, they might focuse on video games or social medias like instagram, tik tok, or so ons.
Use commas around the introductory phrase "instead of studying" and separate the items in the list with commas.
Firstly if they go to the school they make new freands and they learn how to communicate with others.
Firstly, if they go to school, they make new freands and they learn how to communicate with others.
Use commas after the introductory linker and conditional clause, and omit "the" when referring to school in the general sense.
Secondly they study with dissiplane and competing with their peers and classmates.
Secondly, they study with dissiplane and compete with their peers and classmates.
Use a comma after "Secondly" and maintain parallel verb forms by changing "competing" to "compete".
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the comparison between the two options: explain specifically why schools are more important than online resources, rather than concluding only that "schools are vital."
- Reduce frequent grammar errors by checking articles, verb forms, agreement, and sentence boundaries; for example, change "it might leads to improve" to "it might improve" and replace comma splices with full stops.
- Proofread spelling and collocations systematically, correcting forms such as "benifits," "freands," and "replase" and using natural phrases such as "access a wide range of information" instead of "learn much information."
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