Some people think increasing the cost of fuel is the best way to solve global environment problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Clarify and fully develop the second main idea: replace the contradictory sentence "people can also make contribution ... by using plastic bags" with a precise claim about avoiding single-use plastics, and explain why this complements higher fuel prices.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear partly agreeing position and addresses both fuel prices and individual behaviour, as shown by the statements "I partly agree this view" and "raising the cost of fuel alone is inadequate". However, the supporting ideas are only partly developed, and the discussion of plastic bags is confused, particularly in "people can also make contribution to reduce ecological matters by using plastic bags". |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay attempts a reasonably broad environmental vocabulary, including "fossil fuel", "air pollution", "carbon emission" and "renewable resources". Nevertheless, frequent inaccurate collocations and imprecise word choices such as "boosting the expenses on petrol" and "international environmental issues" limit naturalness and precision. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There is some variety in sentence construction, including conditional forms such as "if governments increase" and subordinate clauses such as "which can lead to environmental problem". However, frequent errors in articles, plurals, agreement, word forms and sentence construction occur throughout, as in "other measure", "less cars" and "which contribute to reduce". |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with the signposts "On the one hand", "On the other hand" and "In conclusion" creating an easy-to-follow progression. However, some connections are weakened by unclear references and abrupt development, especially the shift from "using plastic bags" to "burn plastic bags" and the unclear pronoun reference in "this behavior". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
worldwide ecological matters
global environmental issues
"Environmental issues" is the natural collocation; "ecological matters" is vague and unnatural in this context.
While some people argue that raising the price of fossil fuel is the most practical solution, I partly agree this view because it should be supported by other measure which could concern about individuals.
While some people argue that raising the price of fossil fuel is the most practical solution, I partly agree with this view because it should be supported by other measures that could concern individuals.
"Agree" takes the preposition "with", "measure" needs to be plural after "other", and "concern" does not take "about" in this structure.
which could concern about individuals
which could affect individuals
"Concern about" does not mean influence people here; the intended collocation is "affect individuals".
boosting the expenses on petrol can efficiently weaken international environmental issues
increasing fuel prices can effectively mitigate global environmental problems
"Boost expenses" and "weaken issues" are incorrect collocations; use "increase prices" and "mitigate problems".
This is because the cost of fuel can influence on people’s transport choices.
This is because the cost of fuel can influence people’s transport choices.
The verb "influence" takes a direct object and is not followed by the preposition "on".
When the number of private cars decline, the air pollution which can lead to environmental problem will be reduced.
When the number of private cars declines, the air pollution which can lead to an environmental problem will be reduced.
The subject "the number" is singular and therefore requires "declines", while the singular countable noun "problem" requires the article "an".
if governments increase the expenses of fuel taxes
if governments increase fuel taxes
Governments increase taxes or fuel prices, not the expenses of taxes.
As a result, there will be less cars on road which contribute to reduce carbon emission.
As a result, there will be fewer cars on the road, which will contribute to reducing carbon emissions.
Use "fewer" with countable nouns, add the article in "the road", use "will contribute" for agreement with the future clause, and follow "contribute to" with a gerund.
How this answer could score higher
- Clarify and fully develop the second main idea: replace the contradictory sentence "people can also make contribution ... by using plastic bags" with a precise claim about avoiding single-use plastics, and explain why this complements higher fuel prices.
- Learn and apply accurate environmental collocations, especially replacing "boosting the expenses on petrol" and "weaken international environmental issues" with "raising the price of petrol" and "reducing global environmental problems".
- Proofread for high-frequency grammar patterns: correct "other measure", "less cars" and "which contribute to reduce" to "other measures", "fewer cars" and "which contribute to reducing".
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