What band did this IELTS essay get?

Band 6 overall: Task Response 6, Lexical Resource 6, Grammatical Range & Accuracy 6, Coherence & Cohesion 6.

How could this essay score higher?

Fully address the phrase "at the same rate as tobacco" by explaining why an equally strong tax is justified, rather than only arguing that unhealthy food should be taxed. Improve grammatical accuracy in recurring areas, especially agreement and articles: change "taxing fast food industry ... prevent" to "taxing the fast-food industry ... prevents" and revise faulty parallel structures such as "cultivating healthier diets and less likely". Use more precise, reliable support and collocations: replace unsupported claims about the USA and Japan with clearly explained evidence, and correct expressions such as "applied to taxation" to "subject to taxation".

All answers to this question

Band 6 · 328 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Governments should tax unhealthy food in the same way they tax tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Fully address the phrase "at the same rate as tobacco" by explaining why an equally strong tax is justified, rather than only arguing that unhealthy food should be taxed.

How it was marked

Criterion	Band	Why
Task Response	6	The essay presents a clear position in favour of taxing unhealthy food and gives two relevant reasons: reducing pressure on healthcare systems and discouraging unhealthy habits among young people. However, development is somewhat general, and the examples about the USA and Japan are asserted rather than convincingly explained, while the specific issue of taxing unhealthy food "at the same rate as tobacco" is not examined in depth.
Lexical Resource	6	The essay uses a reasonably broad set of topic-related vocabulary, including "financial strain", "healthcare systems", "processed food", and "healthier alternatives". Nevertheless, awkward collocations, imprecise expressions, repetition of "taxed/taxation", and spelling errors such as "cigarretes", "taxtion", and "drammarically" prevent consistently precise control.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy	6	The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of complex structures, including conditional clauses such as "When the price of these unhealthy products increases" and relative clauses such as "which will result in better public health". However, recurring errors in agreement, articles, parallel structure, and sentence construction are noticeable, although they rarely prevent understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion	6	The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with each body paragraph focused on one central reason and the conclusion restating the position. Cohesive devices such as "For instance", "however", and "Another reason" generally support progression, although some connections are mechanical and several long sentences make relationships between ideas less precise.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

It is said that fast food should be applied to taxation at the same rate as tobacco products. I strongly agree with this sentiment because taxing fast food industry helps reduce the financial strain put on healthcare systems and also prevent men and women from developing bad eating habits from young ages. Forcing businesses that sell unhealthy food to pay tax alleviates the financial pressure put on healthcare systems. The daily consumption of fast food is considered one of the main causes to health issues such as heart diseases, obesity and diabetes, and this puts huge strain on the health service. When harmful products are taxed, people will have the incentives to switch to more affordable and healthier alternatives, which will result in better public health. For instance, the USA used to allocate a huge amount of money every year to addressing its citizens' health problems; however, after introducing taxation to the fast food industry, they not only gained more revenue from taxes but also reduced financial resources required for health service drammarically. Another reason why junk food should be taxed is that it eliminates the possibility of young individuals developing bad eating habits. Most smokers develop the pattern of using cigarretes when they are young, and this can be applied similarly to consuming processed food. When the price of these unhealthy products increases, which is the result of taxtion, young people will have more difficulties paying for them and this will contribute to them cultivating healthier diets and less likely to form poor eating habits later. For example, Japanese people eat healthily at a very young age, and this has contributed to the nation being famously known as the healthiest place on Earth where fast food chains have no opportunity to thrive. In conclusion, I totally agree that unhealthy food should be taxed at the same rate as tobacco because it can reduce financial strain on healthcare systems and it prevents young individuals from developing unhealthy patterns.

Corrections from the marking

fast food should be applied to taxation
fast food should be subject to taxation
"Apply" does not collocate with "food" in this meaning; products are "subject to taxation" or "taxed".
taxing fast food industry
taxing the fast food industry
A singular countable noun referring to a specific industry requires the definite article 'the'.
and also prevent men and women
and also prevents men and women
The subject 'taxing the fast food industry' is singular, so both coordinated verbs must take the third-person singular form.
from young ages
from a young age
The fixed expression for this meaning is 'from a young age', with the singular countable noun preceded by 'a'.
from young ages
from childhood
"From young ages" is not idiomatic; use "from childhood" or "from a young age".
causes to health issues
causes health issues
The verb 'cause' takes a direct object and is not followed by the preposition 'to' in this structure.
have the incentives to switch
have an incentive to switch
Because no previously identified incentives are being referred to, the singular countable noun should take the indefinite article 'an'.
after introducing taxation to the fast food industry
after introducing taxation on the fast food industry
The appropriate preposition for a tax imposed on an industry is 'on', not 'to'.

How this answer could score higher

Fully address the phrase "at the same rate as tobacco" by explaining why an equally strong tax is justified, rather than only arguing that unhealthy food should be taxed.
Improve grammatical accuracy in recurring areas, especially agreement and articles: change "taxing fast food industry ... prevent" to "taxing the fast-food industry ... prevents" and revise faulty parallel structures such as "cultivating healthier diets and less likely".
Use more precise, reliable support and collocations: replace unsupported claims about the USA and Japan with clearly explained evidence, and correct expressions such as "applied to taxation" to "subject to taxation".

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How it was marked

The answer

Corrections from the marking

How this answer could score higher

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