Governments should tax unhealthy food in the same way they tax tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7); Lexical Resource (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Answer the exact comparison in the question: explain and justify whether unhealthy food should be taxed "at the same rate as tobacco", rather than discussing taxation only in general.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear position in favour of taxation and addresses both the healthcare and childhood-habit arguments, as shown by the claim that it can reduce "financial strain on healthcare systems" and stop young people developing "unhealthy patterns". However, the discussion is somewhat general, and the response does not sufficiently justify why unhealthy food should be taxed "at the same rate as tobacco" or acknowledge possible limitations of this policy. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably varied range, including "financial strain", "healthcare systems", "processed food", and "healthier alternatives", but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise. Repetition of "unhealthy", "health", "fast food", and "taxed" and expressions such as "men and women" prevent the vocabulary from being consistently precise and flexible. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures, including relative clauses, concessive contrast, and parallel constructions, as in "which will result in better public health" and "they not only gained more revenue... but also reduced...". Accuracy is generally strong and meaning is always clear, but occasional article, agreement, and construction problems remain, including "taxing fast food industry" and the awkward parallel structure in the USA example. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response is clearly organised into an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with a logical progression from healthcare costs to young people's habits. Cohesion is generally effective through phrases such as "Another reason" and "For example", although some links rely repetitively on "when" and "which" rather than developing the relationships between ideas more precisely. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
fast food should be applied to taxation at the same rate as tobacco products
fast food should be subject to taxation at the same rate as tobacco products
"Be applied to taxation" is not the correct collocation; products are "subject to taxation".
I strongly agree with this sentiment because taxing fast food industry helps reduce the financial strain put on healthcare systems and also prevents men and women from developing bad eating habits from a young age.
I strongly agree with this sentiment because taxing the fast food industry helps reduce the financial strain put on healthcare systems and also prevents men and women from developing bad eating habits from a young age.
The singular countable noun "industry" requires the definite article "the" when referring to the specific fast-food industry.
For instance, the USA used to allocate a huge amount of money every year to addressing its citizens' health problems; however, after introducing taxation to the fast food industry, they not only gained more revenue from taxes but also reduced financial resources required for health services dramatically.
For instance, the USA used to allocate a huge amount of money every year to addressing its citizens' health problems; however, after introducing taxation on the fast food industry, it not only gained more revenue from taxes but also reduced the financial resources required for health services dramatically.
The appropriate preposition is "on" for a tax imposed on an industry, and the singular country "the USA" is conventionally referred to with the pronoun "it" in formal writing.
Most smokers develop the pattern of using cigarettes when they are young, and this can be applied similarly to consuming processed food.
Most smokers develop a pattern of using cigarettes when they are young, and this can be applied similarly to consuming processed food.
The singular countable noun "pattern" needs the indefinite article "a" because it is being introduced generally rather than referring to a previously specified pattern.
Most smokers develop the pattern of using cigarettes when they are young
Most smokers develop the habit of smoking cigarettes when they are young
The natural collocation is "develop the habit of smoking cigarettes", not "develop the pattern of using cigarettes".
this can be applied similarly to consuming processed food
the same can be said of consuming processed food
"Can be applied similarly" is an unsuitable expression for comparing two behaviours; "the same can be said of" is the appropriate phrase.
contribute to them cultivating healthier diets
contribute to them adopting healthier diets
People typically "adopt" or "follow" a diet; "cultivate a diet" is not a natural collocation.
this has contributed to the nation being famously known as the healthiest place on Earth
this has contributed to Japan being widely regarded as one of the healthiest countries in the world
"Famously known" is redundant, and a nation is more precisely described as a "country" rather than a "place" in this context.
How this answer could score higher
- Answer the exact comparison in the question: explain and justify whether unhealthy food should be taxed "at the same rate as tobacco", rather than discussing taxation only in general.
- Use accurate, cautious supporting examples: replace the unsupported claim that the USA "reduced financial resources required for health services dramatically" with evidence about documented taxes on sugary drinks or tobacco.
- Improve collocation and grammatical precision by changing "fast food should be applied to taxation" to "fast food should be subject to taxation" and "taxing fast food industry" to "taxing the fast-food industry".
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