Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individual people, because individuals can make little difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop each main idea with a clear cause-and-effect explanation: after mentioning "raising the price of fuel", explain how this changes behaviour and reduces emissions; after mentioning individual action, explain how widespread consumer choices affect businesses and pollution.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both sides of the question and presents a clear partly agreeing position in statements such as "politicians can play an important role" and "environmental protection also should be supported by individuals." However, the ideas are only moderately developed: the discussion of politicians focuses mainly on fuel prices, while the individual side gives limited explanation of how personal actions can create wider environmental benefits. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses an adequate range of relevant environmental vocabulary, including "natural resources", "environmental damage", "green lifestyle" and "single-use bags." Nevertheless, several expressions are repetitive or awkward, such as "ecological protection" being used repeatedly and "deeper discussion" and "little progress because of a lack of contribution" being imprecise collocations. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts a range of complex structures, including "While some people argue...", "although politicians can play..." and "even if politicians make efforts...", and the overall meaning is usually clear. However, frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles and sentence construction, including "a problem need to be solve" and "people can not", prevent consistently accurate control. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, and the progression from "On the one hand" to "On the other hand" and finally "In conclusion" is easy to follow. However, some connections are mechanical or repetitive, especially "As a result" appearing several times and the repeated wording around "various policies". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
It means that politicians should have more responsibilities because the various policies about the various environmental policies will be formulated by them.
It means that politicians should have more responsibilities because the various environmental policies will be formulated by them.
The phrase repeats 'policies' unnecessarily and makes the relationship between the policies unclear.
For example, when an environmental problem need to be solve, politicians should have a deeper discussion about this issue to find a reasonable solution such as raising the price of fuel.
For example, when an environmental problem needs to be solved, politicians should have a deeper discussion about this issue to find a reasonable solution such as raising the price of fuel.
The singular subject "an environmental problem" requires "needs", and the passive form must be "be solved", not "be solve".
This is because the pollution is caused largely by people’s daily activities such as using plastic bags and throwing rubbish everywhere.
This is because pollution is caused largely by people’s daily activities such as using plastic bags and throwing rubbish everywhere.
The uncountable noun "pollution" is being used in a general sense, so it does not require the definite article "the".
For instance, a person burns plastic bags because of a lack of the awareness of protecting natural resources.
For instance, a person burns plastic bags because of a lack of awareness of protecting natural resources.
The uncountable noun "awareness" is used generally after "a lack of", so it should not be preceded by "the".
because of a lack of the awareness of protecting natural resources.
because of a lack of the awareness of environmental protection.
The collocation 'awareness of protecting' is unnatural; 'awareness of environmental protection' is the appropriate expression.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each main idea with a clear cause-and-effect explanation: after mentioning "raising the price of fuel", explain how this changes behaviour and reduces emissions; after mentioning individual action, explain how widespread consumer choices affect businesses and pollution.
- Improve grammatical accuracy in high-frequency structures, especially subject-verb agreement and passive forms: change "a problem need to be solve" to "a problem needs to be solved" and check similar errors throughout the essay.
- Use more natural and varied collocations instead of repetitive or awkward wording: replace "ecological protection" when repeated, "deeper discussion" with "careful consideration", and "lack of contribution" with "insufficient public participation."
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