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Band 6 · 288 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individual people, because individuals can make little difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Increase grammatical accuracy by proofreading sentences such as "a environmental problem need to be solve" and correcting them to "an environmental problem needs to be solved"; check every article, agreement error and passive construction.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The position is clear in both "I partly agree" and the conclusion, and the response addresses the roles of politicians and individuals. However, the ideas are only partly developed: the explanation of why individual actions can make a meaningful collective difference remains limited, and the examples in "enhancing the price of fuel" and "burns disposable bags" are not fully analysed.
Lexical Resource6The response uses an adequate range of relevant vocabulary, including "environmental protection", "regulations", "natural resources" and "single-use bags". However, several collocation and word-choice problems, such as "a deeper discussion" and "enhancing the price of fuel", reduce precision and prevent a higher band.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5The essay attempts a useful range of complex structures, including the concessive clause in "While some people argue ... I partly agree" and the conditional structure beginning "even if politicians make efforts". Nevertheless, grammatical errors are frequent in articles, agreement, passive forms and sentence construction, as shown by "a environmental problem need to be solve" and "people’s contribution ... are".
Coherence & Cohesion6The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" guiding the two main viewpoints. Ideas generally progress logically, but connectors such as "As a result" are repeated and some sentences, including "It means that the politicians should have more responsibilities", do not link the explanation as precisely as they could.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

In this day and age, ecological protection has become an increasing public concern. While some people argue that politicians should be responsible to address this issue and people can not make a significant impact on it, I partly agree that although politicians can play an important role in protecting the environment, it also should be supported by individuals. On the one hand, people who work in authorities have a stronger voice in environmental protection. It means that the politicians should have more responsibilities because the various policies about the environment will be built by them. For example, when a environmental problem need to be solve, politicians should have a deeper discussion about this issue to find a reasonable solution such as enhancing the price of fuel. As a result, governments can implement as quickly as possible different regulations to protect the planet. On the other hand, people’s contribution to ecological protection are also essential. This is because the pollution is caused largely by people’s daily activities by using plastic bags and throwing rubbish everywhere. More specifically, some individuals do not understand the importance of protecting the environment. For instance, a person burns disposable bags because of the lack of the awareness of protecting natural resources. It can lead to severe environmental damage. As a result, even if politicians make efforts to environmental protection, there will be slight changes because of a lack of the contribution by the public. In conclusion, it is clear that even though the responsibilities of politicians are important, it is inadequate to solve the problem without the involvement of individuals. It is recommended that governments should also encourage people to adopt green lifestyle by reducing their use of single-use bags and take public transportation.

Corrections from the marking

  • politicians should be responsible to address this issue

    politicians should be responsible for addressing this issue

    The adjective "responsible" is followed by "for" and a gerund when describing a duty.

  • people can not make a significant impact on it

    people cannot make a significant impact on it

    In this context, the standard spelling of the negative modal is the single word "cannot".

  • it also should be supported by individuals

    environmental protection should also be supported by individuals

    The pronoun has an unclear reference, and the natural position of "also" is after the modal verb.

  • people who work in authorities

    people in positions of authority

    "Work in authorities" is not the natural collocation; people hold positions in, or work for, authorities.

  • the politicians should have more responsibilities

    politicians should have more responsibilities

    A plural noun referring to politicians in general does not normally take the definite article.

  • the various policies about the environment will be built by them

    the various environmental policies will be formulated by them

    Policies are normally described as environmental policies and are formulated or developed, not built.

  • a environmental problem

    an environmental problem

    Use "an" before a vowel sound, as in "environmental".

  • problem need to be solve

    problem needs to be solved

    The singular subject "problem" requires "needs", and a passive construction requires the past participle "solved".

How this answer could score higher

  1. Increase grammatical accuracy by proofreading sentences such as "a environmental problem need to be solve" and correcting them to "an environmental problem needs to be solved"; check every article, agreement error and passive construction.
  2. Fully develop the response to "individuals can make little difference" by explaining the cumulative effect of individual behaviour and consumer pressure, not merely stating that public contribution is "essential".
  3. Use more precise environmental collocations, replacing "enhancing the price of fuel" with "increasing fuel prices" and "adopt green lifestyle" with "adopt environmentally friendly lifestyles".

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