Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Address the omitted economic dimension explicitly: after discussing cultural value, explain how theatres and cinemas "create jobs" and "support local businesses," then give a relevant example.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay discusses both online entertainment, described as providing an "easy and a cheap way to watch entertainment," and the cultural value of cinemas and theatres, and it gives a clear opinion that their "collective experience" remains important. However, the question specifically asks about the economic as well as cultural importance of these venues, and the economic aspect is not directly addressed or developed. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably varied range, including expressions such as "contemporary society," "market need," "cultural value" and "open environment for interaction and discussion." However, several spelling errors and awkward collocations, including "site-spefic," "agues," "increadible" and "answered to a particular market need," reduce precision and prevent a higher band. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The response demonstrates a useful range of structures, including concessive clauses in "although online platforms have given access..." and cause-and-effect explanations such as "because the environment sets the viewer up." Nevertheless, noticeable grammatical inaccuracies and awkward constructions occur, including "giving access to anyone... to watch" and "the experience in theatre and cinema venues," although they rarely prevent understanding. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear overall progression, moving from the online-platform argument to the opposing view and then to a conclusion, with paragraphs introduced by "On one hand" and "On the other hand". Cohesion is generally effective but sometimes repetitive or unclear, as in the repeated use of "collective experience" and the reference to "the former one". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In my view, although online platforms have given access to everyone to watch films from their houses, theatres and cinemas provide a collective experience that is unmatched with the former one.
In my view, although online platforms have given everyone access to films they can watch from their homes, theatres and cinemas provide a collective experience that is unmatched by the former.
The verb phrase should be structured as “give someone access to something”, not “give access to someone to watch something”.
watch films from their houses
watch films from their homes
"Home" is the natural collocation when referring to where people watch films; "house" refers more specifically to the physical building.
On one hand, online platforms have raised the bar in the entertainment industry, by giving access to anyone with a computer and wifi connection to watch films, TV series and even pre-recorded theatre plays.
On one hand, online platforms have raised the bar in the entertainment industry by giving anyone with a computer and Wi-Fi connection access to films, TV series and even pre-recorded theatre plays.
After “give”, the correct construction is “give someone access to something”; the original incorrectly uses two consecutive access-to-infinitive structures.
a computer and wifi connection
a computer and Wi-Fi connection
The standard spelling and capitalisation of the wireless technology is "Wi-Fi".
This has been a very important innovation in contemporary society because it answered to a particular market need, which is developing an easy and a cheap way to watch entertainment.
This has been a very important innovation in contemporary society because it has answered a particular market need, which is the development of an easy and cheap way to watch entertainment.
The present perfect “has been” should be matched with “has answered” when describing an innovation whose effects continue into the present, and one article is sufficient before coordinated adjectives modifying the same noun.
sets the viewer up for a collective experience
creates the conditions for a collective experience
"Set someone up for" usually means preparing someone for a future situation, whereas "creates the conditions for" is more precise in this academic context.
site-spefic happening
site-specific event
"Site-specific" is misspelled, and "event" is a clearer general term than the specialised word "happening" here.
For instance, Claire Bishop, a well known art critic, agues that the cultural value of theatres and cinemas is equal to museums because they both bring people together in order for them to interact with each other and develop views upon contemporary subjects.
For instance, Claire Bishop, a well-known art critic, argues that the cultural value of theatres and cinemas is equal to that of museums because they both bring people together in order for them to interact with each other and develop views upon contemporary subjects.
In a comparison of value, “that of museums” is required because the value is being compared with the value of museums, not with museums themselves.
How this answer could score higher
- Address the omitted economic dimension explicitly: after discussing cultural value, explain how theatres and cinemas "create jobs" and "support local businesses," then give a relevant example.
- Correct the repeated spelling and collocation problems, especially "increadible," "stong," "site-spefic," "answered to a market need" and "views upon contemporary subjects."
- Make references and key ideas more precise by replacing "the former one" and repeated "collective experience" with clear phrases such as "online viewing" and "this shared atmosphere."
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