Skip to content
IELTSbiz
All answers to this question
Band 7 · 260 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 7 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 7. The biggest single improvement: Use examples that directly address private-life disclosure: replace the Ronaldo and Messi example about professional inspiration with a concrete explanation of how publishing relationships, homes or health information harms celebrities.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response7The essay presents a clear and consistent position in favour of privacy, expressed in "I believe that celebrities' private lives should largely remain private" and repeated in the conclusion. It addresses both sides, but the opposing argument about maintaining celebrities' "fame and influence" is only partly relevant and the main ideas are not fully developed with sufficiently direct examples.
Lexical Resource7The essay uses a good range of relevant vocabulary, including "invasion of privacy," "intimate details," "fundamental rights" and "misinformation," with generally appropriate style. However, some collocations are imprecise or unnatural, particularly "keeping public figures’ private lives open," "football environment" and "myriads of unfair judgments," and there is some repetition of "private lives" and "personal lives."
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7The response demonstrates a useful range of complex structures, including the concessive opening "While this practice can reduce their influence on fans" and the participial clause "eventually negatively affecting their well-being." Grammar is generally accurate and meaning is clear, although the duplicated comma in "Moreover, , learning" is a noticeable punctuation error and some long sentences could be controlled more precisely.
Coherence & Cohesion7The response is logically organised into an introduction, a concession paragraph, a main argument paragraph and a conclusion, with clear progression from "Admittedly" to "Conversely" and "In conclusion". Referencing and paragraphing are generally effective, although the first body paragraph moves from private-life reporting to professional inspiration, which weakens the logical connection between its example and the question.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

Some people believe that the media should not report on celebrities’ private lives. While this practice can reduce their influence on fans, especially among young people, I believe that celebrities' private lives should largely remain private, as media coverage can constitute an invasion of privacy and negatively affect their mental well-being. Admittedly, keeping public figures’ private lives open can maintain their fame and influence among individuals. It is common knowledge that a lot of young people are naturally interested in public figures’ personal lives and draw motivation from them. For example, a boy who dreams of becoming a professional football player can be encouraged by famous players such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. By following them on social media, he can learn more about the football environment and what it takes to succeed in the sport at the highest professional level. Moreover, , learning about celebrities’ professional experiences does not require the media to reveal intimate details of their personal lives. Conversely, I strongly believe that celebrities’ personal lives should remain private to protect their mental health and fundamental rights. Continuous exposure can lead to extreme stress, eventually negatively affecting their well-being. For instance, social media is flooded with misinformation and false stories, causing myriads of unfair judgments and negative comments across the internet. It is hard to survive in a society where people judge each other without any clear evidence. In conclusion, although exposing the personal routines of famous individuals can inspire young people, I firmly maintain that the media should refrain from intruding on their private lives.

Corrections from the marking

  • keeping public figures’ private lives open can maintain their fame and influence among individuals

    keeping public figures’ private lives in the public eye can maintain their fame and influence among their followers

    “Keep private lives open” is not a natural collocation, and “followers” is more precise than the vague “individuals” in this context.

  • Moreover, , learning about celebrities’ professional experiences does not require the media to reveal intimate details of their personal lives.

    Moreover, learning about celebrities’ professional experiences does not require the media to reveal intimate details of their personal lives.

    The comma after “Moreover” is duplicated; an introductory linking adverb requires only one following comma.

  • exposing the personal routines of famous individuals can inspire young people

    exposing the private lives of famous individuals can inspire young people

    “Personal routines” refers mainly to repeated daily activities and is less precise than “private lives” for the idea being discussed.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Use examples that directly address private-life disclosure: replace the Ronaldo and Messi example about professional inspiration with a concrete explanation of how publishing relationships, homes or health information harms celebrities.
  2. Improve collocation accuracy by changing "keeping public figures’ private lives open," "football environment" and "myriads of unfair judgments" to more natural phrases such as "publicising aspects of public figures’ private lives," "the professional football world" and "countless unfair judgments."
  3. Proofread punctuation and sentence control, especially the duplicated comma in "Moreover, , learning," and then connect each sentence more explicitly to the central claim about privacy.

Other answers to this question

Write your own answer to this question

Is this your essay? Request removal. Essays are published without any name, email or account details.

    Need help?