More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop each body paragraph with a clear explanation and a specific example; expand the claim "small spaces limit people's daily routine" by showing exactly how overcrowding affects exercise, relaxation, or family relationships.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The position is clear in statements such as "I firmly believe that staying in a small space without outdoor areas is a negative development", and the response addresses both health and privacy. However, the main ideas are only partly developed, with claims such as "which can lead to some health problems such as heart disease" needing clearer explanation and support, while the proposed solutions are not required by the question. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay attempts a reasonably wide range, including "mental and physical health", "air circulation", and "quality of people's lives", but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision. Expressions such as "habitation has become an increasingly public concern", "areas in plein air", and "explore more spaces" are inappropriate or awkward in this context. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The writer attempts complex sentences with clauses introduced by "because", "which", and "although", but grammatical errors are frequent across the response. Errors such as "this phenomenon have negative effect", "a person ... do not", and "It is recommend" show weaknesses in agreement, articles, plurals, and passive constructions, although the overall meaning is usually understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, and signposts such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" make the two main arguments easy to identify. Nevertheless, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear because of vague referencing and repetitive cause-and-effect patterns, as in "It means that" and the repeated use of "As a result" and "Consequently". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
habitation has become an increasingly public concern
housing has become an increasingly prominent public concern
"Habitation" refers to the act or condition of living somewhere, whereas "housing" is the appropriate term for residential accommodation as a social issue.
living in home with limited spaces and areas in plein air
living in a home with limited spaces and areas in plein air
A singular countable noun such as "home" requires a determiner, so use "a home".
living in home with limited spaces and areas in plein air can bring several benefits for people’s lives
living in homes with limited space and outdoor areas can bring several benefits for people’s lives
"Areas in plein air" is not a natural English expression; use "outdoor areas," and "space" is the usual collocation for the general amount of room.
people’s lives ,
people’s lives,
There should be no space before a comma.
this phenomenon have negative effect on people’s health and privacy
this phenomenon has a negative effect on people’s health and privacy
"Phenomenon" is singular and requires "has", and the singular countable noun "effect" requires the article "a".
On the one hand, living in narrow homes without outdoor areas can damage individual’s mental and physical health.
Firstly, living in small homes without outdoor areas can damage individual’s mental and physical health.
"On the one hand" normally introduces one side of a contrast, but the essay presents only negative arguments, so "Firstly" gives a more accurate logical signal.
living in narrow homes without outdoor areas can damage individual’s mental and physical health
living in narrow homes without outdoor areas can damage an individual’s mental and physical health
The singular countable noun "individual" needs a determiner, so use "an individual’s".
small spaces limit people’s daily routine and create a feeling of stress
small spaces limit people’s daily activities and create a feeling of stress
"Limit someone’s daily routine" is an awkward collocation; "limit someone’s daily activities" is more natural and precise.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each body paragraph with a clear explanation and a specific example; expand the claim "small spaces limit people's daily routine" by showing exactly how overcrowding affects exercise, relaxation, or family relationships.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by checking agreement, articles, plurals, and passive forms, especially errors such as "phenomenon have", "a person ... do not", and "It is recommend".
- Replace unnatural collocations with precise, natural language: use "urban housing", "limited or no outdoor space", and "make more land available for residential development" instead of "habitation", "areas in plein air", and "explore more spaces".
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