Many processed food and drink products contain excessive sugar which contribute to a wide range of health issues. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Fully develop the partial-agreement position by explaining why price rises may affect low-income consumers more than wealthy consumers, and state clearly that taxation should be combined with other measures.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear but only partly developed position through statements such as "This essay will analyse why I partly agree" and "I partly agree that sugary products should be more expensive." It addresses price increases, healthier alternatives and public education, but the explanation of why taxation is only partly effective is limited, particularly in the claim that "the action is effective for poor people" while wealthy consumers are mentioned without fully developing the contrast. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses an adequate range of relevant vocabulary, including "processed food and drink products," "health conditions," "obesity" and "high blood pressure." Some wording is imprecise or unnatural, such as "life expenses," "consumption frequency" and "manufactured food and drink," and the spelling error in "oin" prevents consistently accurate control. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of structures, including conditional language in "if the price of an ice cream rises" and complex clauses beginning with "as" and "which." Grammar is generally understandable, but there are some inaccurate or awkward constructions, including "which causes" after a plural antecedent and the unclear sentence structure in "Nevertheless, the action is effective for poor people." |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, and the progression from the effect of price increases to alternative measures is generally understandable. However, the transition into "Nevertheless, the action is effective for poor people" is logically unclear, and repeated links such as "As a result" do not always show the exact relationship between ideas. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
have to allocate their salaries between life expenses and snacks
have to allocate their salaries between living expenses and snacks
"Living expenses" is the standard collocation for the costs of maintaining one's everyday life.
people will change their consumption frequency from eating once a week to once a month
people will reduce their consumption frequency from once a week to once a month
"Consumption frequency" should be followed by frequency expressions such as "once a week", rather than by the activity "eating".
this decline oin consumption
this decline in consumption
"Oin" is a spelling error; the correct preposition is written "in".
importance of reducing purchases of sugary products or, more broadly, manufactured food and drink
importance of reducing purchases of sugary products or, more broadly, processed food and drink
"Processed food and drink" is the precise collocation for food and beverages altered during commercial production, whereas "manufactured" is less accurate in this context.
How this answer could score higher
- Fully develop the partial-agreement position by explaining why price rises may affect low-income consumers more than wealthy consumers, and state clearly that taxation should be combined with other measures.
- Improve logical cohesion by replacing unclear links such as "Nevertheless, the action is effective for poor people" with an explicit contrast and by using connectors that show the precise relationship between claims.
- Increase accuracy and naturalness by correcting "oin" to "in," changing "which causes" to an appropriate structure, and replacing awkward collocations such as "life expenses" with "essential living expenses."
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