A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Lexical Resource (6); Task Response (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Fully develop the response by adding at least two well-explained advantages and two disadvantages, each supported by a specific example; the current discussion of only "cultural exchange" and "overcrowding" is too limited.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The response presents a clear position that tourism's benefits outweigh its drawbacks, as shown by "I still believe that its benefits outweigh its drawbacks". However, it discusses only one main advantage, "cultural exchange", and one disadvantage, "overcrowding", with limited explanation and no specific examples, so the ideas are not fully developed. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "cultural exchange", "overcrowding", "public transportation", and "open-minded". Nevertheless, repetition of words such as "tourism", "cultures", and "people", together with awkward collocations such as "culture understanding", prevents the vocabulary from reaching a higher band. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5.5 | The essay attempts a reasonable range of structures, including the conditional-style clause "When too many tourists visit the place" and the concession clause "although tourism might cause overcrowding". However, frequent errors in sentence construction, articles, prepositions, and word forms, such as "places ... consider" and "respect to different cultures", show that grammatical control is inconsistent. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, moving from the introduction to an advantage, a disadvantage, and a conclusion containing the writer's opinion. Basic cohesive devices such as "However", "In addition", and "In conclusion" are used appropriately, although the short development makes the overall progression somewhat limited. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
There are many places around the world consider tourism to main source of income.
There are many places around the world that consider tourism to be their main source of income.
A relative clause needs a relative pronoun, and the structure 'consider something to be' requires the verb 'be' and an appropriate determiner.
Tourists can experience local food, traditions, festivals, and lifestyles during the travel, which gives them a chance to understand how people in other countries live.
Tourists can experience local food, traditions, festivals, and lifestyles during their travels, which gives them a chance to understand how people in other countries live.
The countable noun 'travel' cannot normally be used with 'the' in this meaning; 'during their travels' is the correct construction.
More over, they may become more open-minded and respect to different cultures.
More over, they may become more open-minded and show respect for different cultures.
The noun 'respect' is followed by the preposition 'for', not 'to'; 'show respect for' provides the required grammatical structure.
More over, they may become more open-minded and respect to different cultures.
Moreover, they may become more open-minded and show greater respect for different cultures.
"Moreover" is written as one word, and the natural collocation is "show respect for" a culture.
When too many tourists visit the place, popular spots and public transportation can become very crowded.
When too many tourists visit the place, popular spots and public transportation can become very crowded.
There is an unnecessary extra space between the article and the noun.
In addition, overcrowding can reduce the quality of the life for both tourists and local people.
In addition, overcrowding can reduce the quality of life for both tourists and local people.
The fixed expression is 'quality of life', without the definite article before 'life' when referring to life generally.
In conclusion, while tourism offers the advantage of culture understanding , it also presents the drawback of overcrowding.
In conclusion, while tourism offers the advantage of culture understanding, it also presents the drawback of overcrowding.
A comma must follow the preceding word without a space before it.
In conclusion, while tourism offers the advantage of culture understanding , it also presents the drawback of overcrowding.
In conclusion, while tourism offers the advantage of cultural understanding, it also presents the drawback of overcrowding.
"Culture understanding" is not the correct noun phrase; use the adjective-noun collocation "cultural understanding".
How this answer could score higher
- Fully develop the response by adding at least two well-explained advantages and two disadvantages, each supported by a specific example; the current discussion of only "cultural exchange" and "overcrowding" is too limited.
- Improve grammatical accuracy in core sentence patterns, especially the introduction "There are many places around the world that consider tourism to be their main source of income" and collocations such as "show respect for different cultures".
- Use a wider and more precise range of tourism vocabulary, replacing repetition of "tourism", "cultures", and "people" with terms such as "the tourist industry", "cultural heritage", "visitors", and "the local population".
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